Jay's Visit

When I picked Jay up at the airport i was so pumped because i knew i was going to try and play that very week. Unrealistic thinking i know. My ankle wasn't infact better it was just adrenaline. But since Jay was here he really helped me be patient with the injury and personally i think if he didn't come down i would of been out for the full 5 weeks. But that week he left i was able to go full contact by wednesday. It was fun hanging out with jay i must say, its so different when all you do together is train so it was a new experience to see him not training me. And to be honest nothing was different at all i had a blast all week. The constant jokes, and talking about Katt Williams who i must say is becoming my favourite comedian. There were some serious times though were we worked on getting my strength and cardio back up which kinda reminded me how much i hated him haha, no seriously that 4 minutes of hell is the worst thing ever. After those four minutes i was cool with him again. On a serious note he really kept me in check about being more responsible and that i should get up early to work out and to have breakfast. I didn't notice when he wasn;t here but i was falling back into a bad pattern because i was constantly around bad influences. I do realize that i am on my own and have to continue to eat right, sleep right, and to train right. Even though i couldn't play i still learned a lot and was reminded what i have to continue to do to be great. Especially watching a lot of guys do the work outs that jay had for them it definitely made me feel more confident because the stuff they were doing was sooooo easy and that i was wayyyy past that. It was kind of funny to watch how out of shape these guys were when they were suppose to be in the best shape of their lives. It definitely showed that my hard work over the last couple years was worth it. The past couple games i watched have also helped me because i learn from other peoples mistakes that they have made on the field. All in all it was a good time while jay was down. Unfortunately he did have to go and even though it would have been a lot easier having him here all the time i know that it will help me be more mentally tough throughout the season.

PresSURE!

Pressure...its a funny thing. Every sport has it, every position has it. The players that deal with it and can still perform are the ones that succeed.

People often ask me why I became a hockey goalie, "crazy to stand in front of 100mph shots from a hard puck" that's what they would say. I look at it from a different angle. There is only one position on the ice that can not make a mistake. If I let in a goal my team is down on the scoreboard or in that second can lose a game. Yes the pressure is on the team to score but who are they scoring on?! I love that responsiblity and pressure it makes me focus in the game on perfection, it makes me practice hard and work hard in the weight room. So that I be confident that I have prepared to the best of my ability and am phyiscally ready to deal with the pressure.

Some people fold under pressure once the stakes are raised they are a shell of themselves. I believe that is mental. They lose focus on the fundamentals they try too hard to make plays. Anytime it was faced with a "bigger" game, I would go through my normal routine which included bowing my head and focusing on my job and specific technical points (rebound control, communication, etc). I would tune in my focus even more during the first few minutes to ensure I was sharp on the first few shots, after that everything would relax.

I guess the bottom line is FOCUS. On the things you have done to prepare and know you are ready, Focus on the technical things early on (catching before running, ball security when there is contact) and lastly being Focus staying patient if you make a mistake refocus, you will get another opportunity.

You are ready...the stage can't change that.

Mt.A Visit

I had a great time on my trip to Mt.A. Although the results of the game weren't ideal. The team did play much better in game 2 and injuries did play a factor. It was cool to see CIS action first hand and to see how the players prepare in practice and the weight room.

It is a shame that at that level the coaching staff were not as open as I would have liked in regards to the strength. I'm sure they're mood will change when Nick suits up and is so much faster and stronger than the other receiver's on the team.

I also forgot what University life can be like, difficult meal schedule because of class/practice/and dining hall hours. Also the social aspects, parties,etc. I think the hardest thing is going to be the un-motivated players, Nick's strength is his constant drive to be great. Not having too many players that share that same motivation is going to be difficult. He is going to be left on his own to train. I know he can do it though. I also think playing is going to help that. He is a game changer like Gary Ross, and pressure is surely going to follow but again he can handle it.

I'm not going to lie I am a little disappointed that I won't get to see Nick play his first snap of CIS ball and see the look on the DB's face...SCARED! But the game at Laval will come fast enough.

Nick remember when you get in the end-zone (and you will) point West....I'll be pointing back!!!

I know this is suppose to be all about football or my experience with football but I thought I would make an exception this one time. With being hurt and not being able to fully participate with football I've had a lot of time to think, and even though I've had a very positive attitude with my return I couldn't help but think about some things that have been troubling me in my personal life. With all the training and praticing and studying the play book I didn't have time for a personal life or to deal with my demons from the past. But now with not a lot to do they've all come to the surface. Believe me, I've tried all the old tricks to try and get rid of them even the bad habits and of course nothing has worked.

Maybe this is a sign or the reason I got hurt, maybe this was suppose to happen so I finally deal with everything I decided to ignore. If it wasn't for me getting hurt there were a couple of people I talked to about things that happened in the past that I didn't think i'd ever get to talk to. I never thought I'd get to have closure with someone that meant a lot to me, and now that I got closure I feel like I'm starting to be me again. Someone I thought was gone a long time ago. Unfortunately it means I have to deal with all the issues I had before and especially with my biggest demon of being diagnosed with depression all those years ago. I thought if I ignored it I wouldn't have to deal with it but all that does is just get worse and worse. I don't know what life has in store for me or what all this exactly means. But I do know I'm tired of running away from my problems and struggling in life. It seems like I've been doing all the right things in my football career but all the wrong things in my life. It feels like I've lost my way into a dark place that I've been struggling to get out of for the past 4 years. And now it seems like I'm at that defining moment in life where if I don't change now, if I keep ignoring everything I've bottled up then there is no going back, I will be consumed in this misery that i've created for myself becuase I couldn't deal with my problems.

I feel like I'm starting to forget who I was and what I stood for, my morals and values have changed drastically and it bothers me a lot. I don't want it to be too late because I really hate the person I'm becoming. I need to start focusing on my life as much as I focus on football. I need to work as hard as I do in the gym and on the field but its a lot harder to deal with because its mentally exhausting and I need to be able to focus on other things as well. I do hope this is the turn around for me, who knows maybe it will help with my football career too. Maybe this is the one thing I have to deal with before I can live all my dreams or at least some of them.

So it begins...

My nerves were just a shaking when I said goodbye to my dad and entered the airport. That was the last person I had seen from my home town. And I knew it was the last one I was going to see for awhile. As I was boarding the plane I felt this weight being lifted off my chest a feeling I haven't felt for quite sometime. For the first time in a very long time I felt relaxed, calm, and most of all free. Free from every sort of drama and stress that haunted me in the past. I knew that once that plane took off everything that was bothering me was left in that airport. I must say I was so excited being on the plane for the first time and of course football was on the tv which got me even more excited. And then a person next to me was a whether man from the weather network and then he too was talking about football and asking me all sorts of questions. When we landed i said goodbye to Chris the weather man and found Nate waiting for me in the airport. I was already pumped because i knew camp started the very next day. I woke up early in the morning and left to get my equipment boy was i excited to wear pads again.

First practice went great even though it was raining, got the nerves out of the way and did what i do best...play football. I met the future QB for the school and he's a real great guy, already had an agreement between the two of us that we'd work hard and get a chemistry with each other so when the time does come for him to start we won't be off a beat. But of course things can't always be smooth sailing. Even though i was playing good my ankle started to give out more and more as i participated in more and more practices. I decided to take a day off hoping the swelling would go back down and i'd be able to plant again.

The next day i was determined to practice no matter how much it hurt boy was that a mistake. I caught a pass while trying to stay in bounds and as i was going down for the ball i was hit out of bounds and slammed into the bench which hit my bad ankle. Even though i was in horrible pain i decided i was going to continue practice and fight for a spot. The next play i ran a post and beat one of there best corners. I figured if i can still play at least a high level then i should keep practicing. By the time we got to special teams near the end of practice i could barely run on my ankle and once the coach told me, ME of all people to get up to speed faster i knew i wasn't able to practice in this much pain anymore.

That night i tried icing it several times and taking advil but the pain was so horrific that i couldn't sleep at all that night. I went to the trainer right away because the swelling got so bad over night and i could barely walk on it. He took me to the hospital thinking it could of been broken but the xrays came out negative. But there was some ligament damage and i partially tore some of the ligaments in my ankle. You would think at this point going through all that training i would be broken. But my spirits were extremely high because i was not out for the whole season and there was a very good chance i'd only miss a couple games. Now the only thing left to do was talk to the coach. Not expecting how he'd feel, i went down to the lunch hall knowing the coach was there. To be honest i've never seen someones face go so emotionless and so pale so fast. He looked at me and the receivers coach whispered something in his ear probably telling him what had happened and the only words i saw come out of his mouth was noooooo while shaking his head. I came up to him and he was really upset and was asking what happened and what was wrong, and how long i'd be out for. He was very concerned and said hopefully we can get you back as soon as possible and we hope we dont lose you for the rest of the season. That made me feel so comfortable knowing that the coach was supporting me. Not only that but throughout the whole day of me going through all of this my trainer jay was extremely supportive and was already working to find a way to get me better faster. Talking to him definitely kept my spirts very high, and i will always be very grateful for that. He's always been there for me and i'm pretty sure he sent me a hundred texts today. Even though camp isn't going exactly the way i planned i must say at least it wasn't a concussion and at least i'm not out for the rest of the season. Both are extremely positive points for me because i can still play and i can still get experience by watching film and learning the plays. Even though it is a long long walk on crutches i still get there 5 minutes early with my playbook ready to go as if i were able to practice. For the next couple weeks i'll be doing rehab like crazy hopefully aiming for the third game of the season. I'll definitely be writing more blogs to tell you about my progress.

Obstacles, Road Blocks, Etc

I must say I've gone through my share of obstacles and road blocks and it never gets easier. I've learned to deal with a lot throughout my career but injuries have to be one of the toughest obstacles I've ever had to deal with. This year has seemed like its been filled with distractions, mistakes, injuries, obstacles if you will, but its a constant learning curve. Its better to get all these things out of the way now, instead of making that mistake at a crucial point in the season. I've also started to learn that everything happens for a reason, no matter how hard it is to understand at the time, things happen for a reason. Desire, Heart, Will, Creativity, Grace, Vision, Strength; all values I live by and it is in these values that determines the difference between being a pro and being a joe. It doesn't matter what happens to me, how much pain I'm in, no matter how bad the odds, I will overcome anything and everything to walk down the path to greatness. All I have left to say is the AUS and the CIS are both going to get a rude awakening when I hit the field. And when I do hit the field this season everyone will know my name by the end of the first game. Look out, I'm coming for ya DB's. One word of advice don't blink, by the time you open your eyes I'll be in the end zone. Peace.

Yours Truly,

Nick "faster than a speeding bullet" McLeod

Relax, Recharge, Refocus

Nick,

I hope you used your fishing trip to relax. Although things are stressfull right now with tying up loose ends at school, training coming to an end, making sure that the stresses don't over take you.

This is the home stretch, we're going to be pushing really hard. you'll be ready for camp. Trust me and work your ass off like you always do and the CIS and AUS won't know what hit them.

Again hope you had a great time, see you next week.